UPDATE:
Thank you for all your advice. It was so encouraging and means a lot to us. We have started the bedtime routine earlier and are using some of the other strategies that were mentioned. She is still very difficult to put to bed, but is starting to fall asleep easier and faster than before. Thanks for your continued support and prayers for Paige and Mark and I.
I know you are all probably sick of hearing my Paige troubles. You have troubles of your own, but I truly cherish the wisdom of friends and right now, I don't know what to do. We have been having trouble putting Paige to bed for a while now. She won't stay in her room and does naughty things when she is supposed to be sleeping. We've tried all kinds of consequences and nothing really seems to curb the behavior.
At first, I thought it was because she had been taking naps and just wasn't tired. So, she doesn't take naps anymore, but still, the nighttime routine lasts for HOURS. Here's the low down. We start getting her ready for bed around 8pm. We go to the bathroom, brush teeth, get jammies on, read, pray, and sing. Then, the meltdown begins. She started crying hysterically when we try to leave the room. I mean, literal screams, and general hysteria. Awhile back, we put Casey(our dog) in the room with her, so she wouldn't feel "alone". It seemed to help for a time, but now nothing consoles her. If we go into her room she latches onto our necks so tight, and won't let go. It really is heartbreaking! We use a fan for noise, and we've tried with and without the nightlight (with works better). Last night, I tried putting music on for her, and she cried that it was too loud and hurt her ears. (It was NOT loud and could barely be heard over the fan.) She carries on for hours.
I've considered moving Alaina into her room in hopes that she will understand that she has to be quiet and stay in her bed so Alaina can sleep. We tried it tonight with Alaina in the pack and play. Paige still left the room and cried when we left. We ended up taking Alaina out. Alaina's such a good sleeper that we don't want to ruin her. Paige was even more hysterical when Alaina went back to her own room. I tried to explain to her why and that if she could show us that she could be quiet and stay in her bed, then we would try it again tomorrow night.
Tonight Mark and I said good night and didn't go downstairs. Instead, we sat on the stairs where she couldn't see us, so we would know exactly what was happening. Paige was hysterical and came out into the hall and cried there for about 20 minutes. After a half hour she finally gave up and was in her bed and quiet. She did wake up crying an hour later, but was consoled after about 5 minutes. I actually feel good about this. We'll try it again tomorrow night and see what happens.
My other dillemma, is that she wakes up at least once, usually twice or three times, just crying uncontrollably in the night. I can't ever get her to tell me what's the matter and after a couple minutes of talking to her or singing to her, she calms down and falls back to sleep. Every now and again before we put her to bed she mentions scary shadows. What?!
Does anyone have any similar experience with kids? What did you do? Am I doing the right thing? Is there anything else I can try? I just don't want to force her to stay in her room by herself if she really is scared, but how do you deal with that? Please pray for wisdom for Mark and I, but also for Paige and whatever it is that she is going through.
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9 comments:
All right, I don't know Paige well at all, and don't know what all you've tried. So you might read this and find it to be of no help whatsoever. :) It seems like you have made every attempt to create an ideal sleeping situation for Paige (which is a good thing). Unfortunately, I wonder if she seems to be turning all your efforts into a big power play (bad thing). Now like I said, I don't know Paige well, but I can see many a toddler thinking, "Hmm...I wonder what else I can get them to do, to avoid going to bed?" We personally are fans of the supernanny technique, where you say nothing, act completely disinterested in whatever they say or do, and just lead them back to bed every time they get out. At first, kids have a backlash to this (and get out of bed MANY times) but it seems to be effective with some kids when used several days in a row. I'm sure you can find more info on this online somewhere. Maybe taking the all of the emotion out of the situation (for at least a trial period) would give you more insight into whether Paige truly is scared of something, or just using that to stall.
Now I do know people who have tried the supernanny way and it has not worked; each kid will respond differently. If you've already tried it, then I'm out of ideas. :(
Melanie, I wish I had wonderful ideas, but I do not. Know that I am praying for you though and do trust God to give you and Mark the insight and wisdom you need!
I know it sounds crazy, especially when our kids have good naps, but going to bed earlier to begin the bedtime routine really has helped David a lot. We keep a very specific routine and when it is done, leave.
The waking up crying is especially hard! And if it is really more about her being scared then a power trip, I would go in there and honestly pray out loud with the authority Jesus has given us in his name and memorize a verse together an say that and then leave.
No idea if either help... Like I said, praying for insight into the situation for you both!
What time does she wake up in the morning? Maybe she's overtired by the time 8pm comes around? Have you tried starting your bedtime routine earlier? Just a thought :)
I'm not there yet, so my advice might not mean much, but Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was a book I read a lot when we were having trouble with Ryan, and it goes up through the young child years. It might have helpful tips. Also, I think I remember someone telling me that the age Paige is is when they start being prone to night terrors. That could be what's happening during the night. I've heard many stories from parents about their children waking up crying or screaming during the night.
Abigail did the same thing, I literally was crying trying to figure her out, and I was looking on the internet for answers, but there were none. I was already doing everything at bed time that was suggested, which was frustrating! I just wanted an answer! I talked to my pediatrician, and she confirmed my suspicion of night terrors. Abigail was waking up 2-3 times a night crying inconsolable. It turns out, she was awake, she was having night terrors, which is why we couldn't help her. (heartbreaking!) It really is a stage that comes on at this age because of their imagination beginning to take off. Abigail was having troubles going to bed at night, and I am almost sure it was because she was scared. We tried everything too, like you, but just had to wait it out, and keep doing the same thing. She still doesn't go to bed easy, but we start at 6:30, and most times she is asleep by 7:30. Sometimes I think the transition out of napping regularly made her over tired, and added to the night terror problem. But...what do you do, when they chose not to nap? You can only do so much. I would say, keep at it, as hard as it is, it will get better!
I just posted a big post, and lost it. (annoying) But, yes, night terrors....Abigail had them, and did the same exact thing. There honestly isn't much you can do, because it's a phase. Her imagination is going wild, and she doesn't want to nap, making her over tired (Abigail did the same thing)which adds to the drama. Hang in there, you are doing everything you know to do!
I am amazed at your patience and compassion for her! You are doing a great job. Riley had night terrors every night for what seemed at the time to be a very long time. He would wake up once or twice a night crying and was inconsolable and didn't even seem awake. He had no memory of it the next day and was around Paige's age as I remember it. NOW, as I remember it, it seemed like a very brief thing, but I remember vividly (as does Paul) when we were in the middle of it that it felt so hopeless and as if we would never get through to the other side of it. Now the kid wants to sleep 10-12 hours and never makes a peep! We handled that part exactly as you did. We tried to wake him at first, but it was really useless, so we settled for shhhhushhhhhhing, cuddling and singing until it subsided.
As far as the bedtime routine, I am a little hesitant to admit here that we locked one of the boys in his room because he wouldn't stay (the bathroom door was unlocked and could be accessed through another room and then the hallway, but he never figured that out). I explained that I loved him, it was time to go to bed and that he was safe from any danger. He laid on the floor crying for a long time the first night. I never went up there or said a word to him. I found him asleep on the floor in the morning in front of the door. The second night it was the same, maybe a bit less time crying hysterically in front of the door, and the third night he stayed in bed and didn't cry at all. Sounds like you have night #1 over with!
Sounds like the waking in the night may be due to night terrors. All three of our kids had night terrors and no matter what we did or said would calm them down (during an episode). If I actually touched them to console them they would cry harder, so I would stand at their door and talk and pray over them out loud until they would eventually calm down and go back to sleep not remembering anything in the morning. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to prevent them and they eventually out grow them but can take several years. Our Tyler had them the longest and woke up almost every night for close to three years.
I do agree with the advice that she may be over tired by 8:00 and maybe backing up her bed time would help. Our pediatrician told us that kids need between 10-12 hours of sleep each night.
I will defiantly pray for you and Mark as you try to figure out what is going on and making bedtime easier.
There are some books that a friend of mine told me about ... "God is with me Through the day and GOd is with me Through the night" by Julie Cantrell. You can find them on Amazon.com ... she wrote them for her daughter who was dealing with night terrors and general fear ...maybe they would help with things some ... sounds like you are doing great with the other things ... kids are SO hard to figure out sometimes!
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